Predictions for Investor Relations and Regulatory Compliance in 2014

Like 2013 before it, 2014 is going to be a watershed year for the compliance and investor relations practices. Our 2013 Predictions were so spot-on, we have used our industry insiderish to analyze the current trends’ impact on 2014.

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selfieIn disappointment over the continued lack of social media enthusiasm by investor relations departments, the SEC has expanded their April 2, 2013 RegFD re-guidance to include bathroom mirror selfies. “Now that the selfie has passed the bar at the Oxford Dictionaries as Word of The Year, we felt it follows that the SEC accept the full frontal transparency that the technology delivers,” said @HotSECStaffer3468.

To show solidity toward the plight of corporate issuers’ burden of XBRL filing, The House of Representatives have put forth a bill requiring that all SEC staffers submit their travel expenses in XBRL.

whiteThe demonstrable increase in SEC enforcement activities has proven Chairman Mary Jo White’s incredible resolve to stopping fraudulent practices, both Street and corporate. Regardless of this ongoing super-efforts of her staff, Ms. White is continuing her “no capes” mandate.

House hearings on the 2013 Flash Crash finally conclude. The 976 page report recommends new mandates for electronic exchanges. By 2016: their restrooms must have Ground Fault Circuit outlets, all computers utilized for Trade Execution (SIP) must run McAfee Home Security Scan every Sunday night and should an outage repeat, complete and immediate transparency is required including “Opps…My bad!” being displayed throughout Times Square.

In rebuttal to Martin Scorsese’s scathing portrayal of traders in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” Mr. Scorsese’s financial advisors have moved his entire portfolio into Chinese reverse mergers and his bank keeps changing his ATM PIN without telling him. 

tvThe JOBS Act lifted ban on General Solicitation has created several new cable shopping channels, all offering “bargain deals” and “three easy payments.” To assure strict adherence to the accredited investor restrictions, cable fees will be increased to $17,000 per month (w/o HBO). Bad Actors remain the mainstay of daytime soaps.

Motivated by the high, spirited attendance of the NIRI 2014 Annual Conference in Las Vegas, all regional NIRI Chapters have moved their monthly meetings to church bingo halls.

The 2014 Blu-ray Special Edition of Ghostbusters is released including a lost blooper and out-take section. The public relations industry is rocked to hear (Bill Murry character) Peter Venkman’s original prophecy: “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, the end of traditional press releases… mass hysteria!”

ghost

On behalf of the IR and Compliance group at Vintage Filings and PR Newswire, best wishes for a Happy Holiday and for a 2014 filled with success and laughter!

Have a great year and thank you!

2 responses to “Predictions for Investor Relations and Regulatory Compliance in 2014

  1. A NEW CLASSIC BRAD! YOU’ RE NUTS!

  2. It was a fun year ~ on to 2014!

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